How to Give and Receive Negative Feedback Without the Awkwardness

Listen to my recent podcast episode about this topic in full-depth!

Feedback is tricky. Positive feedback feels great—we crave it, we celebrate it. Negative or constructive feedback? That’s a different story. It can feel awkward, uncomfortable, even personal. Yet, feedback is essential for growth—both personally and professionally.

I’ve seen it in companies where feedback doesn’t flow. Staff don’t give leaders feedback, leaders don’t give staff feedback, and peers avoid it too. The result: confusion, inefficiency, frustration, and a culture that suffers. It’s no different at home—if you never tell your kids to pick up their clothes or put their shoes away, the mess accumulates until someone explodes. Feedback is the antidote to chaos.

Even our devices rely on feedback. Your smartwatch tells you your heart rate, your sleep quality, or your cycling speed. We thrive on it, yet humans often resist it. Olympic gold medallists don’t—they crave feedback. Their coaches constantly point out adjustments: posture, movement, technique. It’s never personal—it’s data for improvement.

The same approach can apply in your workplace or personal life. The key is learning to give and receive feedback effectively.

Why Negative Feedback Feels Awkward

1. We take it personally. When someone says your suggestion won’t work, we often hear: “I’m not smart enough. My input doesn’t matter.”

2. Defensive instincts kick in. Before logic engages, we react, push back, or argue. It’s like pulling out a shield when threatened.

3. We don’t truly listen. Many hear feedback just to respond, not to process it. The difference is critical: hearing happens in the ear, listening happens in the brain.

Instead of reacting, pause. Absorb. Process. Consider the merits before acting. This is how Olympic athletes improve—they listen, not defend. They don’t react emotionally; they filter and choose their response.

Principles for Mature Feedback

• Feedback is a conversation, not a lecture. Ask for input, allow replies, and encourage discussion.

• Separate fact from emotion. Focus on observable behaviours, not opinions or feelings.

• You don’t have to act immediately. Take time to reflect, verify, and discuss with a trusted colleague before deciding.

• Timing matters. Avoid giving feedback when emotions are high—wait for a calm, neutral moment.

Eight Steps for Giving Feedback Effectively

Here’s a framework for giving feedback, especially as a leader:

1. Private setting: Always address sensitive feedback in a private space.

2. State the problem briefly: Clearly explain what the issue is without overexplaining.

3. Explain the impact: Show why it matters—time, money, culture, or emotion.

4. Invite the person’s perspective: Ask, “How do you see this?” Listen actively.

5. Validate facts, not excuses: Distinguish between valid reasons and stories.

6. Collaborate on solutions: Encourage the individual to suggest actions, then offer guidance if needed.

7. Agree on review period: Set a timeframe to monitor improvement before considering further action.

8. Escalate if necessary: Only after steps 1–7 fail should consequences be introduced.

This approach avoids blind spots, builds understanding, and maintains relationships. For example, a staff member running late may actually have a valid reason, such as caring for a child with special needs. Listening first allows for solutions like adjusting start times, rather than jumping to punishment.

Mature professionals don’t defend feedback—they crave it. They ask, “What am I missing? What can I improve?” They process, filter, and intentionally respond, rather than reacting. Feedback done right boosts culture, performance, and relationships.

Treat feedback as an opportunity, not a threat. Listen with your brain, respond with intention, and watch personal and professional growth accelerate.

🎧 Listen to the full podcast on Spotify